Death from above...

So yesterday I was woken up to the sound of flapping wings and loud tearing noises. I could only assume that this meant the birds in Japan had rebelled against the Japanese and was taking it back for their lord and savior Big Bird.

I apologize to Amy Luna because she already knows this story and so instead of being forced to read nothing, she is forced to read things that she already knows.

First to understand what led to this rebellion, we must first understand the events leading up to that faithful day. For the last couple of weeks, Jill, Jon's girlfriend had been visiting. The strange thing about people, is how they act when they are trying to impress others. For example, because she was visiting, Jon chose to foregos his usual dietary habits and act like he cooked all the time. Of course to the untrained eye of this equally clueless woman, time wasted inefficiently cutting vegetables and dirtying countless dishes in the process seemed to correlate to "I am a master chef". So while she was here the trash bags in our kitchen become increasingly filled with vegetables, leftover food, meat clippings and egg shells.

Over this past weekend, Jon had to film a project for one of his classes so since that day was not a trash day, he decided it was a good idea to grab all the trash and put it on the balcony. The movie was shot, and two days later the trash was still on the balcony. Now on this day is the day that the coup occurred.

Now in our story we flash forward to when I get out of bed to use the restroom, one of my many morning rituals. Upon exiting the restroom, I notice in our door's mail slot a piece of paper that can best be paraphrased as saying, "Hey, get your trash off the balcony. Everyone in Japan can smell your shit and the birds are attracted to it and spilling it on the streets yo".

Immediately after reading this last "yo" I grabbed a trash bag and ran to the balcony (Jon's side) to see the apocalypse which is the feeding of an army of birds. After scaring them away I proceeded to clean up the balcony thus cutting off supply routes to the resistance and ending the day of horror.

But our story does not end at this series of events. You see, war changes people. It changes the landscape of the earth. It changes the street underneath our balcony... Now I figured it was not my responsibility to clean up the small mess from the street. I had done my part cleaning the balcony and it was Jon who should clean the rest since it was his fault. Basically to make a long story short, he didn't even know that there was a mess on the street. Finally about an hour ago a sweet ol' Japanese lady came barging into our apartment to "very nicely" tell Jon to clean up the trash which he then did. She even then later came back with a home-made sign that she made specific to our dietary habits. (Monday-ramen cups... Thursday-beer cans...).

The moral of the story is 1)Japanese birds are not something to joke about, and 2) the shame projected onto you by a Japanese old lady is something no man should ever experience.